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* *This post focuses heavily on weight loss and aspects of body image. Please skip this post if you feel that you may find it triggering.**

Well, I’m not really sure where to start with this post, but if you follow me on Instagram and saw this or signed up to my then you will probably already know about my decision to want to lose some weight. It’s something that I’ve battled with for months and felt too scared to admit to myself, especially in my line of work.  I’ve struggled to understand how weight loss fits into the whole self love and body positivity scene that I’m extremely passionate about and constantly worried about what people may think, but I think it’s time to get these thoughts and feelings off my chest.

Before I fell pregnant, I knew that I wanted to breastfeed my children if possible and luckily Aiden and I have had a successful experience, sadly many women haven’t.  We made it to 25 months of solid breastfeeding and as well eating a balanced diet, it really helped to maintain my weight.  Perhaps I selfishly took this aspect of breastfeeding for granted. Of course, I loved the close bond it had created between me and my baby and the nourishment that my body was able to give him, which is why I made the decision to nurse him in the first place.  On the other side of this, secretly I was relishing the fact that I was able to indulge more than had I not been breastfeeding. Now I know that for some breastfeeding hasn’t had the effect of weight loss or maintenance, but for me it did.  

Last November when our breastfeeding journey came to an end, slowly but surely the weight began to creep on.  I basically became lazy, stuck in a rut and resigned to the fact I was OK with feeling uncomfortable and ‘meh’.  I’ve never been happier and more settled in my life, but there was something, a feeling that just wasn’t right.  I want to point out that I know that I’m not overweight and some may suggest that I’m just being self-indulgent and offensive to much larger women who struggle with their body issues.  Not at all. In all honesty, I feel like total crap.  I have low energy, my body feels weak and a far cry from the positive image that my blog is trying to inspire in others.  I’ve lost my way on my own balance journey and want to ‘reclaim me’ again. 

Women deserve to feel like a million dollars whatever end of the weight spectrum they sit. 

This shift in my mindset doesn’t come with a heavy dose of punishment because I hate my body.  Although I’ve rejoined the gym, I won’t be subscribing to any hardcore workout routines or trying out any restrictive juice fasts or detoxes, because as regular readers will know, that’s just not my style.  I’ve still been indulging my sweet tooth to feed my soul but also feeding my body with lots of nourishing foods too.  I’m moving my body in ways that I love, rather than forcing myself to do workouts that I absolutely hate. 

One of the lovely ladies in my private reminded me that actually wanting to do something positive for your body is a massive act of self love.  I want to lose a bit of weight out of love for my body, to shift these negative feelings. I want to feel healthy, strong and comfortable in my own skin again.  

You can still want to transform your body and love it too.  Sure, there’s plenty that I hate about my body that I could list right here, but where would that get me except for making feel miserable about myself.  I think my body is pretty awesome! It brought my beautiful little human into the world and has seen me through so much.  I have so much gratitude for my body that it’s unreal and I want to gift it the joy of feeling fabulous again. 

The body positive movement, perhaps highlights that we can’t have insecurities about our bodies, but in my heart of hearts don’t believe this to be true.  It’s fine to recognise your insecurities about your body and want to act on them in a positive way.  Although, it’s important to note that we shouldn’t allow them to control us, limit us or change us into something that we are not.  

I’ve taken before pictures and will be posting lots on , , and about my journey as well as on the blog.  I’m also tracking my meals in my bullet journey, however, I’m not counting calories or weighing out my food.  I hope to show a different approach on my weight loss journey, one born from self love and appreciation for my body.  

Thank you for all of your supportive messages and emails over the past few weeks. They mean the world to me and motivate me every day to keep doing what I’m doing.

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